LIFE IN THE TRENCHES: Romance, Rebellion and Running Amok

STAR CLUSTERS

If you are freaking out – and find no

Solace in the horrors of the world

As they unfold in big nasty dollops

Of measurable hell on earth and

Snap in line with all the grown

Ups living outside of themselves

In a diner sitting at the counter

Eating milk and drinking

Sandwiches

 

I want to help you.

 

I’m going to blow your mind.

 

But first:  It is important that you settle down

And relax.

 

Second:  Take refuge in the fact that I am

Right here with you and really listen to me

When I say that whatever you are going

Through “it” will pass.

 

IT:

 

Not understanding why.  Thinking things.

Not understanding why.  And shrinking.

 

Getting upset by thoughts.

That you have.

 

Especially the ones that know that they are nothing

More than thoughts you’ve been thinking.

 

But cannot seem to bring to any fruitful conclusion.

 

Into the rabbit hole we go, sweet Alice.

 

You know the drill, don’t you.

 

(What’s happening in Haiti?)

 

+

 

This state:

 

The other day I tried to explain it because I was acting

Weird as an emotional and mental fun-fest that knows itself

But cannot explain itself with any degree of skill,

Maturity, insight, and/or satisfaction.

 

I feel like using the word aplomb.

But do not know this word well enough to stand by it

In a street fight.

 

Yet, I use it.

 

Here is the epiphany:

 

This state is not unlike getting Star Clusters flung

Into your eye where once they touch brain they are

Yanked out with a healthy dose of ‘Ouch’ the second

You notice them.

 

They (The Star Clusters) have a tampon string

Tied to the end of them and are sweet

Like a Thai street fighter’s gloves wrapped

In canvas, dipped in resin then coated with broken glass

Then finished with a high gloss monochromatic spray

Canned frost treatment.

 

It is fashion forward touch and makes them fire resistant.

 

As much as they are sharp they are soft and look like rock candy.

 

+

 

The Star Clusters themselves are not so nefarious.

In fact, they are being flung around all the time.

You don’t see them because they are microscopic.

 

You probably have about 99,000 of them

In your left eye right now.

 

Harmless really.  Unless of course you see

The tampon string.

 

So don’t.

 

Please resist the urge to put this theory to test.

Take my word for it.  They are there.  And

Once you see one for yourself (it is possible

With a balanced diet and ample rest) you

Are screwed.

 

Because from there you see

Them everywhere.

 

With great volume and frequency.

 

This state is loud and can run off with the better parts

Of you.

 

For want of end you become enchanted.

 

+

 

If you don’t believe me that’s okay but I’m telling

You they are there.  In fact, you do not actually have

To see them to know that “it” is there.

 

Use your other senses.  And take proper measures

to forget “it”.

 

IT:  The String.

 

The string on a star cluster is hot pink

And smells like the 1990s fragrance,

“Obsession for Men” and never stops

Humming the theme song to Back to

The Future.

 

They can’t help themselves.

 

I used to think it was because they had bad taste in music

And a poor understanding of personal/sonic space but

That theory was demolished after I actually met and

Spent some time with a Star Cluster’s string.

 

I was on my way home from Tulare.

 

It told me that it the whole Back to The Future thing

Was not so much because they loved the song but

Before I could get a coherent explanation it got

This far-away look in its eyes and went someplace

That I didn’t know nor want to know and i stood

There pumping gas until it came

Back to the real world to say, “Humming

Was the way it exorcised it so that it could get

Back to what was important.

 

I was a little scared so I bit into a piece of beef

Jerky and nodded like I understood and sat there for a second

Because I had a sneaky suspicion that this little fucker

Was bat shit crazy until it looked me in the eyes and

Very sincerely apologized for the way its relationship

To the theme song from Back to The Future was

Plaguing me.

 

We shook hands and got to talking and became friends after

I learned that this particular string helped form the Naropa

Institute in Colorado with Mr. Howl, Frank

Castle, John Denver, Bob Ross, and

John Candy.

 

I bought it breakfast because it was hungry

Then gave it a ride to the bus station.

 

It was on its way to the Florida Keys to go

Windsurfing.

 

It wasn’t until I was driving back through Tulare

On the way to drink Peppermint Schnapps with

Phil Collins in El Segundo that I realized

My wallet had been lifted.

 

That son of a bitch.  I couldn’t believe it.

 

I was really in the mood for some fish tacos but now

What?

 

I was brained.  My whole plan was screwed.  My world

Was completely subverted by my desire to trust and

Believe and for a while getting rickrolled by a

Star Cluster's tampon string threw a shit brown hue

On things.

 

Eventually, I got over it when i realized that

It happened. There was no erasing it. The experience

Was mine as I lived it and I was all the wiser

For it.

 

Now, I know my place in the world.  Which is fantastic.

But every once in a while – I find my self getting pelted.

 

Reaching for why.  Thinking thoughts.  And shrinking.

Because something like this can be hard to get over

And can really color your worldview if you are not strong

of mind and smart of heart to know when you are

Sliding.

 

This may be the only blatantly genuine statement of this poem:

 

I am happy to say that I no longer love anybody.

I am happy to say that I like the one I love.

 

+

 

Fear not.  While it is real it is not.  And in this state,

Things can start to become pretty dramatic.

 

But it isn’t.

 

And it is.

 

They are and are not thoughts.

More so a state to be explained

With or without aplomb.

 

Like Star Clusters with tampon strings tied

To the end of them that I bought

Breakfast for then dropped off at

The bus station so that it could

Go windsurfing in the Florida

Keys and told me stories about

The time it spent time at The Naropa

Institute in Colorado with Mr. Howl,

Frank Castle, John Denver, Bob Ross,

and John Candy only to put a real

damper on my day when I realized

that it stole my wallet and screwed up

My plan to eat fish tacos and drink

Peppermint Schnapps with Phil

Collins in El Segundo.

 

Yes. Its like that.

This State.

 

Tampon Strings and Star clusters.

Relax.

 

Everyone who is anyone knows

That nine times out of ten

Nine out of ten experts agree about

Something.

 

I am some of them. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ball Briskett.

Thanks for come again. All hail February. Love, the driver.

LEVITY

Sometimes you keep company with ghosts. 

With ghosts, there is no competition. 

Just levity. 

 

Be not offended. 

 

Passenger.

Pigeon.

Mission.

Deluge.

Dove.

 

None doors will dissipate.

For us - For we - Of story. 

 

If you are honest. 

When you are honest. 

 

(To be fair.  In these moments.) 

 

You disappear too. 

 

+

 

There are those that grow with crush.

There are those that grow with crowbar. 

 

It doesn’t matter how. 

 

We are here. 

 

Sometimes sharing the room with The Living. 

Sometimes sharing the room with Christians. 

Sometimes sharing the room with The Dead.

 

Sometimes sharing the room with each other. 

 

But, always sharing the room with someone. 

Sometimes eating peanut pie. 

Sometimes drinking water. 

Sometimes doing nothing. 

 

I am not the star of this picture.   

MOVING FURNITURE

Not long after noon

I smoke at the window

Like a grown up

with my karate pants on

 

And contemplate the garden.   

 

For a while it has gone neglected. 

 

Now, it is green and wet. 

 

That’s right, Clyde. 

I suggest we go outside.

 

What is this?  

 

+ 

 

And this?  

 

This winter.  Of joy and conquer. 

This winter.  With short days.  And rain.

 

Parents. 

Holidays. 

Good news.

And

Cancer. 

Bright eyes.

Disappearing days

And

Drunkenness. 

 

Deadlines

And

Dumbness. 

 

Deaf with Death

And dancing.   

 

+

 

This winter is bright but for the last

Few weeks I’ve spent too many hours

Sharpening pencils in front of the

Computer. 

 

For what? 

Rubbing my eyes. 

Smelling like a must-cake.  As they eat cake. 

Rolling smokes.   “Nothing tastes as

Good as skinny feels.” 

While

Inhabiting space and coming together

in

bursts of love and tussle.

 

Then its over, somewhat - As I puff

 

I do not ask. 

 

This is a good moment.  

 

She sits in the other room. 

With no agenda.     

 

It is bright. 

 

Bright like the gross profit of lots of LSD days and nights,

bright. 

 

Like, “walking around the lake and saying,

I never knew that building was ever there”,

bright. 

 

Like, What the shit color is that bright?

 

Bryan, that color is Green.  That’s a boulder. 

It is brown.  It came before us.   That building has

always been there.  And now we are listening to music. 

 

This is Earth.  You are my breath.  You are my hope. 

We both need space.  This is my lesson. 

These are your teeth.  That you cut.

And this here – is a hangover. 

 

Like the one that was Theomedical.

Like the before and what came after

The Flame That I Burnt on The Floor

of My Apartment.

 

Like then when they said

It was hard. 

And I said I knew. 

But didn’t. 

 

Like now.   

Wet with thought

 

Looking

At the garden

 

Seeing things. 

Smoking. 

 

With my karate pants on. 

Feeling like the man who

Came out of the proverbial cave

To be confronted with

The forms.

 

(I didn’t know)

 

She who smiled like Aristotle,

Then took my hand, and

embraced me. 

+

(ok, let’s move around some furniture)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY GIRLFRIEND TO GET HOME

 I think its funny how from time to time

I get caught up in stamping something with

Finality like a category to be filed away, or a testimonial,

Or a slogan, or some law that everything must be squeezed

Through everything like some absurd ideological hymen.

 

It’s funny, but not.   

 

I am finally at a place in my life where I have to really

Take a look at the fact that I have been very mean to

Myself throughout the course of my life and

I am going to tell you that the majority of my challenges

Comes from this sweet piece of testicular magic

That I have worn for too long like a suit and I’m

Done.   

 

What does the suit look like? 

Well, it’s black and furry. 

Machine washable. 

Goes BAAAAA.

And stinks like old pumpkins

When left out in the sun. 

 

If you want it, I’ll sell it to you

For two dollars. 

 

Today.  Literally.  In real life. 

I got a superhero costume

From my upstairs neighbor

Because she had to take the cape she

Gave me away for a project she was

Working on.  It was a mad dash to

Finish.  And she felt bad.   

 

I felt a little sad too because it made me

Smile to wear it while sitting in front

Of the computer, doing what I do.

Keeping it real, and what not. 

 

Neighbor.  Thank you. 

It is little surprises like this one that can

Really save someone’s ass and affords

Me with a perfect opportunity to drop

A stamp on something and file it away. 

 

You will find it in the “This Saved My Ass”

Category in the Sea of Life and looks a little

tight, but I’m sure I’ll grow into it.

 

It’s funny.  But not. 

 

 

 

a little lumpy.  yes.  i'm a pretty and fancy lady.  suck it.  

 

 

 

 

SO SAYS THE TREMBLE

Be strong. 

Remember where you came from and all that entails. 

Reclaim authorship. 

Know the ins and outs of seeing. 

Your eyes are an instrument. 

You have two of them. (mostly) 

Which is plain. 

A given. (for the most part) 

But it is something that is easy to forget

Along with instrument. 

 

If what you see makes you tremble. 

Listen.  Know that it is just a tremble. 

 

Pucker up. 

Put your lips on that horn.

High five yourself. 

Everything works. 

 

You are not a blight.

You are not dangerous. 

You are not a freak. 

 

Find solace in the fact that

You are not dead but a sensitive. 

 

Be brave. 

Take responsibility. 

Keep it together. 

Remain vigilant. 

Breathe. 

And shy away from nothing. 

You couldn’t if you tried. 

And you don’t want to. 

This is not and never has been

Your heart. 

 

It is better to welcome it. 

 

The world is not apocalyptic.

Only the conditioning.

 

And it’s a polysyllabic word. 

Which is an incredibly fun word to say. 

Polysyllabic.     

 

But quit it. 

 

They are depending on you 

To remind yourself 

With those two peepers rolling

Around in your skull and be

Strong. 

 

The

Tremble will be gone as soon

As they disappear.

 

And take it easy on yourself. 

It’s only natural.

 

To forget to remember.

And remember to forget.

 

Come what may.